Ouran Suspense Theatre
by OuranHero
Summary: What if...
1. Chapter 1

1 - What if Hunny Gained Weight in Proportion to What He Ate?

"Haruhi!" Hunny called from across the room. "Let's eat cake!"

"Okay!" Haruhi called back, and made her way to Hunny. There he sat, so fat he was almost a perect circle.

Haruhi backed up a few steps. Hunny looked at her with a curious expression, but went back to his cake anyway. Hikaru and Kaoru came to see what was up, but when they saw Hunny, they backed up too.

_So not cute!_ they all thought in unison.

"When did this happen?" asked Kaoru, horrified.

"I have no idea!" Haruhi exclaimed.

"This goes against his loli nature!" Hikaru yelled.

The chair under Hunny suddenly broke, and Hunny fell to the floor. He looked in the direction of Haruhi and the twins, who looked away in a hurry.

Hunny started rolling towards them. _He's too lazy to get up!_ they thought, running away.

"Don't come near!" the twins yelled, near tears. "Mori!"

Mori's head rose. He ran to Hunny, and heaved him onto his back. "I can still carry him." he said with effort. To Mori, anything too heavy too carry was heavy. Since Mori could still carry Hunny, he was not heavy.

The twins applauded him. It took some true strength to carry someone like that.

_A/N: We're starting off with one from the manga, and it's short. I'll come up with some more original and longer scenarios for the rest of the chapters._

_If you have any suggestions, feel free to tell me, and I'll probably use them._


	2. Chapter 2

2) What if Tamaki Walked in When Kyoya was on Top of Haruhi?

Tamaki's sunburn hurt. He needed aloe, of anything that would make it feel better. He figured Kyoya would have some, and if not, there was always Mori.

He padded down the hall to where he thought Kyoya's room was, hopefully he wasn't wrong.

Tamaki opened the door. "- To gain, right?" he heard Haruhi say. Haruhi? Why would he hear her voice?

He opened the door the rest of the way. "Kyoya, I need some stuff for my sunburn." he said apolegetically. Kyoya and Haruhi turned their gazes to Tamaki. Kyoya was on top of Haruhi, pinning her down to the bed. An uncontrolable rage took him over. "Kyoya..." he growled.

Kyoya jumped off the bed, laughing. Had Tamaki said something funny? Or was it Haruhi?

"Here." Kyoya laughed, shoving aloe in Tamaki's face. He turned back to Haruhi. "Your right."

Tamaki watched Kyoya go with a strange expression on his face. Haruhi sat on the bed, staring after him.

"What happened?" Tamaki demanded.

"Nothing." Haruhi said simply.

"Obviously, something happened!" Tamaki yelled.

"It's none of your buisness, _senpai_." Haruhi said, her voice suddenly sharp.

Tears formed at the corner of Tamaki's eyes. He turned, and entered the wardrobe. There Tamaki began cultivating mushrooms.

"Don't grow mushrooms there!" Haruhi said. A flash of light lit up the room, and Haruhi jumped.

Tamaki turned. "Haruhi?" he asked.

"Um, I'm just going under here." she said casually, and hid under the bed.

"Huh?" Tamaki looked under the bed, and another flash of lightning showed Haruhi, shaking with fear.

"Haruhi, are you afraid of lightning?" Tamaki said. "Come on, get out from under there.

"It's fine. I always do this." Haruhi squeaked.

"The bed frame is metal, so it would be worse under there!" Tamaki called, and Haruhi scrambled out from under the bed. Tamaki laughed.

"Come here."

_A/N: So, little would change, from my perspective. I wasn't sure how to end this, so sorry if the end sucks._

_This one's short too..._


	3. Chapter 3

3) What if Haruhi Got Drun with the Twins?

"I'm here!" Haruhi called, entering the twin's house. Mansion, acually.

"Come in!" The twins sang in unison, standing in front of the door. Haruhi was asked to come over, God knows why.

The twins led her to their living room, which had magnificent cream coloured couches. She sat on one, and sank into the fluffy couch.

"Why did you want me to come here?" asked Haruhi.

"Why can't friends hang out without reason?" asked Hikaru innocently, tilting his head to the side.

Haruhi sighed. There couldn't be any harm in hanging out with the twins, right?

"Fine." she said.

"Yaaaay!" Kouru cheered. Hikaru stood up to get refreshments.

Hikaru came back, holding three bottles of beer and grinning mischeviously. Haruhi shook her head, but Hikaru opened all three.

"I am _not_ drinking that." Haruhi said stiffly.

"Come on, Haruhi, this was expensive!" Hikaru whined. Haruhi stiffened. She hated wasting money.

"Fine." she grumbled, grabbing the bottle. The twins exchanged glances and sat down on both sides of Haruhi. They both gulped down the beer, but Haruhi stared at hers uneasily.

"Come on, Haruhi!" Kouru prompted. "Just a sip."

Haruhi scrunched up her face and took a sip. The twins applauded her.

"There." said Haruhi.

They talked for a while, and Haruhi continued to take small sips of the beer. Her face started turning red, and she became giggly.

"Haruhi?" asked Hikaru, barely surpressing a laugh. She had gotten drunk so easily!

Haruhi tried to stand up, but she swayed and Kaoru stood up to catch her. "Whoops." she giggled.

_"I don't like this." Crona said. "You're all wobbly and giggly." _(_A/N: I couldn't resist.)_

Kaoru glanced at Hikaru, both of them trying not to laugh, and failing.

"Why're you two laughin'?" slurred Haruhi, wobbling.

"No reason." Kaoru laughed.

Haruhi flopped down onto the couch. "It's hot." She said, and started unbuttoning her jacket. Hikaru blushed, and Haruhi eyed him.

"As I thought. You blushed, you pervert!" Haruhi giggled, hitting Hikaru on the head.

"Ow." Hikaru said, not because it hurt, but because he felt he had to say that.

"Uhm, Haruhi, I think we should take you-" Kaoru started, but Haruhi had passed out on their couch. He turned to Hikaru. "Let's leave her there for the night."

"Y-yeah..." Hikaru agreed, and they headed off to their room.

* * *

Haruhi woke up on the couch with an awful headache and no recollection of what happened last night. She sat up and rubbed her head.

"What did I do last night?"


	4. Chapter 4

4) What if Hunny Became Dark Hunny in Front of the Guests?

"Hunny's still napping, and our customers are about to arrive!" Tamaki said nervously, pacing back and forth.

"Don't wake him up." Kyoya said. "It will just make things worse."

The girls arrived, and Hunny was still sleeping. Haruhi glanced at Hunny, who appeared to be sucking his thumb. She hoped he wasn't.

The Hunny fangirls flocked the bed, adoring the cuteness of the sleeping boy. Kyoya glanced up, but didn't want to upset the guests, so he said nothing.

Hunny stirred. The girls squealed in excitement as he sat up, and shot them a gloomy stare. Mori's eyes widened, but Hunny had already started talking.

"Who do you think you are, waking me up in the middle of my nap?" Hunny said darkly. "Go away, I don't want to see your ugly faces right now."

The girls backed up, looks of complete horror on their faces. Mori tensed, as did all of the other hosts.

"But, Hunny-" one of the girls began, but Dark Hunny cut her off. Kyoya considered taping his mouth shut.

"Shut up, idiot. Can't you tell when someone doesn't want to be bothered?" Dark Hunny said, resting his face on his hands.

Hunny's eyes began to brighten, and when he realized what he said and saw the girl's faces, he teared up. When Tamaki saw that, he teared up too.

"Oh, Hunny, it wasn't your fault!" Tamaki sang, rushing to hug Hunny, who was wiping his eyes. "We know you didn't mean it, right, girls?"

The girls were easily moved as well, and when they heard he didn't mean it, they all rushed to comfort Hunny, telling him it was okay and that they forgave him. Everyone let out a sigh of relief. Hunny's cuteness saved the day.


	5. Chapter 5

5) What if Tamaki was Gay?

Kyoya shuddered. Tamaki was staring at him again with that weird look in his eyes, the look some of his fans gave him. The fact the Tamaki was now giving him that look frightened him.

"Kyoya!" Tamaki shouted, although he was right beside him. They were eating lunch in the club room, because Tamaki had asked him to eat there with him.

"What?" Kyoya asked, scooting away a bit.

Tamaki looked at him, his eyes shining. "Kyoya, I..." he began fidgeting a little. Tamaki was blushing faintly, which made Kyoya shudder again.

"I want to go to Kyoto again!" Tamaki stated. Kyoya stared at him. He had just taked Tamaki to Kyoto last week.

"Why?" asked Kyoya.

"Well, why not?" asked Tamaki.

"Listen, I don't have the time." Kyoya said. It wasn't that he didn't have the time, though. It was that Tamaki had started acting strange when they were alone, almost like a maiden in love.

_Dear God, I hope not._ Kyoya thought.

"Aw!" Tamaki pouted.

Lunch was over. Kyoya nearly ran out of the room. He felt a thump on his chest.

"Oh, sorry Kyoya." Haruhi said, rubbing her nose.

"No, it's fine. " he said. "Have you noticed anything strange about Tamaki lately?"

"Hm? Tamaki?" Haruhi asked. "Well, now that you mention it..."

"Never mind." Kyoya said. He ddidn't want his worries to be comfirmed.

Later, when they were hosting, Tamaki wouldn't stop looking over his shoulder at Kyoya.

"Hey, Kyoya." Hikaru whispered, sliding to Kyoya's side.

"Don't you think Milord's acting a bit... _weird_?" asked Kouru at his other side.

"No." Kyoya lied. The twins shrugged and moved on. So, other hosts were noticing too.

Tamaki aproached him. "I have an announcement to make!" he declared. All guests and hosts turned.

"I am in love with Kyoya!" He proclaimed, startling Kyoya. Why would he say it so publicly?

There was a silence. Then, everyone gasped in unison. "Huh?"

Most of the girls were happy, loving this new development. Haruhi, Mori, and Hunny wore expressions of shock on their faces, although the twins didn't look shocked at all.

"Tamaki, I'm flattered." Kyoya said, trying to keep up his cool guy aura. "But I just don't think of you that way."

Tears blubbed at the corners of Tamaki's eyes, but they didn't spill.

"Well, I guess that's all right." said Tamaki in a slightly disappointed tone.

Things went on as they had, although from then on when Tamaki turned to look at Kyoya, Kyoya shivered.

Maybe not _exactly_ as they had.

_A/N: To be honest, I really hate this pairing..._


	6. Chapter 6

6) What if Tamaki Found a Death Note?

"Hm? What's this?" Tamaki asked himself, looking at a black notebook that had fallen into the pond. He bent to pick it up, and flicked the water off of it.

"The human whose name is written in this note shall die?" Tamaki read, confused. He scanned the other rules. "If the cause of death is written within 40 seconds, it will happen... if the cause of death is not specified, they will simply die of a heart attack."

Tamaki didn't know what to make of this. A notebook that could kill people?

Later, he aproached Kyoya with the note in hand.

"Kyoya! What do you think of this?" Tamaki asked him, sliding the note over.

Kyoya read the rules. "If this is real, this could be a very usefull tool..." Kyoya muttered to himself.

"What was that?" asked Tamaki, holding a hand to his ear.

"Nothing." Kyoya said quickly. "I doubt this is real. It's probably just a joke someone played."

"Oh..." Tamaki sighed, disappointed. If it were real, that would be cool.

Tamaki looked out one of the classroom windows and made a descision. "Well, it can't hurt to try."

With that, Tamaki pulled out his pen and tried to think of someone.

"You would really kill someone?" asked Kyoya calmly. Tamaki froze.

"Well, what if I make up a name?" asked Tamaki hopefully.

"Someone who doesn't exist won't die." Kyoya pointed out.

"Fine." Tamaki said, and walked off, leaving Kyoya with the Death Note.

"Heh. With this, I can..." Kyoya never got to finish. Ryuk appeared before him, scaring the crap out of him.

"Anyone who writes in this note caannot go to Heaven nor Hell... Are you willing to take this chance?" he asked.

Kyoya stared at the shinigami, speachless. In a moment he was out of his chair and halfway across the school.

"Hyuk hyuk." Ryuk laughed, picking up his Death Note. "Man, humans sure are fun."


	7. Chapter 7

7) What if Kyoya Took Over the World?

Kyoya grinned from his seat on his throne. He had one built, God knows why. A fiery aura surrounded the new king of the world.

Haruhi sat atop the Queen's throne, a puzzled expression on her face. Why had Kyoya chosen her to be Queen? And why did he want a Queen anyway?

"My daughter..." Tamaki sobbed in the corner, growing mushrooms.

"Didn't I tell you that there would be no more growing mushrooms in corners?" Kyoya asked him darkly. "I also banned stupidity... so why are you still here?"

"That's mean..." Tamaki pouted as he left the throne room, leaving Kyoya and Haruhi alone.

"Is that why you chose me as your Queen?" asked Haruhi, a light bulb appearing over her head.

"Hmm?" Kyoya asked, turning to Haruhi.

"Stupidity, that is." Haruhi said. "Because I'm not as stupid as the others?"

"Could be..." Kyoya sighed, leaning back in his comfy throne. In truth, he didn't know why he chose Haruhi. When he thought about having a Queen, Haruhi was the one that had instantly popped into his mind.

"Looks like we were right." the twins said triumpantly, suddenly appearing on both sides of Haruhi.

"About what?" asked Haruhi, while rage began to boil in Kyoya's stomach. Didn't he outlaw stupid? Then again, he had failed to outlaw annoying... he needed to get on that.

"Kyoya wanting to be King." shrugged Hikaru.

"You could see it in his eyes."Kouru said, turning to look at Kyoya.

Kyoya had a dark aura surrounding him, wihich made the twins retreat to the door. "We'll just be going now..." they said, and dashed out of the room.

"Remind me to ban annoying." Kyoya sighed, rubbing his forehead.

Haruhi nodded. "Why did you want a queen?" she asked, unable to guess any longer.

Kyoya shook his head. "I'm not sure." An idea popped into his head. Kyoya grinned and turned to Haruhi. "Maybe it's because... everyone likes you?"

"What?" asked Haruhi, completely caught off gaurd.

"Well, I'm popular with both boys and girls, and so are you. If I'm going to continue making the ridiculous laws I'm making now... people need to like me, no? And having a Queen that everyone also likes, well, that helps, doesn't it?" Kyoya said, though he knew that wasn't the reason. It seemed logical, though.

"That's one way to think." Haruhi said, smiling. So he did know the laws he was making were ridiculous.

Kyoya continued his strict reign with Haruhi, never quite knowing why he had a Queen.

_A/N: This one is KyoyaxHaruhi, even though I didn't mean to make it that way. It's not my favorite, but it's better than some._


	8. Chapter 8

8) What if The Host Clubs Personalities Were Switched?

"How exactly did this happen?" asked Kyoya, standing in a slightly girly position, but not girly enough for anyone to really notice.

"She's not cute at all..." Haruhi whined in the emo corner. Haruhi was obviously inside Kyoya. Haruhi froze and examined her body for the first time. "Oh my god..."

Mori pushed up glasses that weren't there. "Something must have happened to make us this way. This couldn't have happened on it's own." Everyone stared at Mori, even though they knew that wasn't acually Mori.

Hunny and Tamaki stood side by side, with vacant expressions on their faces. They looked at each other and were startled by their differences.

Kaoru stood off to the side with Hikaru on his back. Kaoru's arms were trembling from holding his twin, who was the same weight as him.

"Yeah, but..." Hunny started, shrugging.

"How do we reverse it?" Tamaki finished, imitating Hunny's movements.

"Hmm..." Mori thought, a look of intense concentration on his face.

"What if we can't reverse it?" asked Haruhi hysterically.

"Stop using my body in such a stupid way!" Kyoya boomed angrily, making Haruhi stop dead.

"What a horrible thing to say to your father..." Haruhi cried. "Mommy! Our daughter's being rebelious!"

"Be quiet! I'm trying to think!" Mori snapped, once again pushing up glasses that weren't there.

Hikaru was now sitting at the table, eating more cake than humanly possible. On his eleventh peice, he stopped. "Huh? I can't eat anymore." he said sadly, staring at the cake with a strange mixture of longing and disgust.

"Stop that!" Hunny shouted at Hikaru. "My body doesn't work like yours! I'll get fat!"

"If you get fat, we won't look the same anymore." Tamaki said.

"I know that!" Hunny replied.

"Maybe the guests would enjoy this..." Mori said, causing everyone to fall quiet.

"What?" asked Kyoya, a look of pure terror on his face.

"A talkative Mori, Hunny and Tamaki doing the twincest act, the twins doing... well, whatever it is Hunny and Mori do, Haruhi as king, and a natural me. Or should I say, Kyoya." Mori explained. Everyone stared. Even though they knew it was Kyoya, they had never heard Mori talk so much.

"So, we just don't reverse it?" Hunny and Tamaki asked in unison.

"Indeed." Mori confirmed. "We stay like this for the fan's sake. And maybe earn more money."

"Even though he's in Mori now, he's still the same old Kyoya..." Kyoya said.

_A/N: This one is confusing. Haruhi is inside Kyoya, Kyoya is inside Mori, Mori is inside Kaoru, Kaoru is inside Tamaki, Tamaki is inside Haruhi, Hikaru is inside Hunny, and Hunny is inside Hikaru._


	9. Chapter 9

9) What if Nekozawa Joined the Host Club?

Tamaki watched enviously as Nekozawa wooed all of the girls. They had to turn off all of the lights and light candles, creating a romanic feel, perfect for the Host Club. Nekozawa had been able to take off his wig and robe, and now he was even more popular than Tamaki.

"I'll put charms on you so you can have good luck..." Nekozawa was saying.

"I doubt he knows any good luck charms." the twins said, shrugging.

None of the other hosts had any guests, not that any of them cared other than Tamaki and Haruhi. If Haruhi didn't et enough guests, she couldn't pay off her debts.

A lot of the girls were crowding Kyoya, trying to become regular guests of Nekozawa.

Reiko Kanazuki, a member of the Black Magic Club, entered the room, and was surprised to see Nekozawa there. She had come to see Hunny, who was now the only other host with guests.

"Nekozawa? What are you doing here?" she asked.

"I've become a host!" Nekozawa proclaimed.

"Why?" asked Reiko.

"Well... I don't know." He said honestly, scratching his head.

"Will you still be a part of the black magic club?" she asked.

"Yes." Nekozawa said.

"As I've been trying to tell all of you, Nekozawa here is just a host for the day. He isn't a permanent host." Kyoya said, pushing up his glasses. The clandle light glint off of them, and his eyes became invisible.

The girls flocking Kyoya let out a sigh and returned to Nekozawa, who was telling a story about a haunting at one of his houses.

"Just for a day?" Tamaki asked. He had been so worried that Nekozawa would replace him as king he hadn't really been paying much attention.

"Yes, I just said that." Kyoya said, in a slightly irritated tone.

"I'm glad it's just for a day." Haruhi said. "I really need to pay off my debt."

For some reason, Tamaki thought this was cute. He ran to hug her, spinning her around and yelling something about family.

After the day was done, everyone got their guests back, and Nekozawa never wanted to do anything like that ever again.

_A/N: Sorry I took so long to write this. And the end might suck as well. I was really busy, and then the huge storm knocked out my power._

_How many chapters should this story have? I was thinking twelve chapters would be plenty._


	10. Chapter 10

10) What if The Host Club Discovered Facebook?

"Hikaru!" Tamaki yelled, hurtling toward the twins, who sat on a couch.

"What?" asked Kaoru, turning. Hikaru, who was beside him, didn't say a word.

"You hacked my Facebook acount!" Tamaki yelled, wagging his finger at Kaoru accusingly.

"It wasn't just me. Kyoya helped." Kaoru said, stifling a laugh and looking approvingly at his twin.

"Kyoya!" Tamaki yelled.

"What is it?" asked Kyoya, who was calculating profits on his computer.

"Why did you help him hack my account?" Tamaki asked.

"You left your Facebook on. Why wouldn't I?" Kyoya answered.

Tamaki retreated to his emo corner and grew mushrooms.

"I've told you to stop growing mushrooms, havn't I?" asked Haruhi, looking at Tamaki solemnly. Tamaki turned to her, tears streaming down his face. He looked pitiful and stupid.

Haruhi sighed. "Hikaru, what did you put on his Facebook?" asked Haruhi, rubbing her forehead.

"Nothing horrible." Hikaru said, grinning.

"Show me." She said, still rubbing her head.

_Souh Tamaki_

_OMG I'm soooooo horny right now LOL! ;D_

"Oh. My. God." Kaoru said, raising his eyebrow at his twin. Tamaki cried even harder.

"Just remove it." Haruhi said.

"Yes, if you donn't remove it soon, our guests might stop visiting Tamaki." Kyoya said, adjusting his glasses.

"Then why did you help him in the first place?" asked Tamaki while Hikaru reluctantly removed the post.

"Like I said, you left your Facebook account on. I had to teach you not to do so." Kyoya said.

"He truly is a demon..." Haruhi said to herself, turning away ffrom Kyoya so he couldn't hear her.

"What was that?" asked Kyoya.

"Nothing."


	11. Chapter 11

11) What if They Ate From the Wrong Side of the Mushroom?

Haruhi didn't even know how to react. All of the host club boys had turned into babies, and Haruhi was the only one who hadn't eaten the mushroom that had turned them into babies.

It wasn't sensible to eat strange mushrooms, especially ones Tamaki cultivated. He called it his "Wonderland Mushroom" because it could make make you bigger or smaller. It was huge, and was purple with pink dots. No one believed him, and they all tried it.

Now they were babies. Kyoya started crying as Hikaru pulled his hair. Kouru laughed, but he fell down in the process.

Haruhi pulled Hikaru off of Kyoya, who was wearing glasses despite being a baby. Little Tamaki was clinging to Haruhi's neck for dear life, and was holding on so tight that Haruhi didn't even need to hold him up.

Hunny was tackling Mori, and Hikaru and Kaoru had lost intrest in everything except each other.

Haruhi groaned. Kyoya was tearing up the paper he was always writing on, and Haruhi made no effort to stop him. She was too busy making sure Hunny didn't suffocate Mori. After, she stopped Kyoya from eating the paper he had torn up.

Haruhi felt something warm and wet on her uniform. "Damnit!" she cursed, and all of the babies froze. A few seconds later, they were back to playing.

She pried Tamaki off her neck and left the room to change her uniform. Baby Kyoya followed her into the changing room, making weird gurgling noises. Haruhi sighed as she carried him back out and slammed the door behind her.

She changed quickly so the boys didn't murder each other.

When she got back into the club room, the twins were taunting Tamaki with his toy bear, Hunny was drooling all over Usa-_chan_'s ear, and Mori was watching silently. Kyoya had clung onto her leg, making every step of her right foot harder.

A light bulb went off over Haruhi's head, and she rushed to get to the mushroom.

Tamaki grabbed onto Kyoya, and the twins followed suit. Mori clung onto her left leg.

Haruhi could barely move her right leg, even though the babies were fairly light by themselves.

"Alright, get off." she said finally, pulling all of the boys off her. She got to the mushroom and pulled six peices off it.

She fed each member a peice, and...

_A/N: A cliff hanger! I finally have some actual suspense! _

_This was quite possibly the easiest chapter to write, by far._


	12. Chapter 12

12) Contrawise?

Haruhi's mouth fell open. They hadn't turned into their normal selves, nor had they turned into children. Those were the two possible outcomes Haruhi had come up with. Instead, they had turned into adults.

Tamaki examined himself. He looked about twenty-four, with old man glasses and a face like a male model. He took one look in a mirror and proclaimed, "I aged beautifully!"

"But you're not your normal self..." Haruhi said.

The twins had shoulder-length hair, and Hikaru's hair was nearly black. They were wearing stylish clothing, and grinned at each other.

Hunny was taller than all of them, with stuble on his face. He was wearing a suit, which was weird, and had muscles bulging from underneath it.

Kyoya's glasses didn't change, but he looked a bit taller. He was wearing cool guy clothes, and in examining his clothes Haruhi found out that Kyoya had gotten bulkier, like he worked out.

Mori looked like he always did, and was now shorter than Hunny. Mori was surprised to find that, out of all of the boys in the host club, he's the one who aged the least.

"Wow, Hunny, you sure do shoot up!" the twins applauded.

"How do we change you guys back to normal?" groaned Haruhi.

"Hmm..." Tamaki thought out loud, rubbing his chin. "One side made us into babies, and the other turrned us into adults. Do the front and back make a difference?"

"Maybe." Hunny said, his voice deep and manly. Hunny was no longer cute, but could qualify as handsome. "But I doubt it."

Mori looked at Hunny in alarm. _When exactly does this happen?_ he thought.

"Maybe we should eat from the middle." The stylish twins suggested.

"But which middle?" Tamaki asked, pushing hisglasses to the bridge of his nose like Kyoya did.

"You are making this way harder than it needs to be." Haruhi said gloomily.

"I agree." Kyoya said, adjusting his glasses so the light glinted off them and you couldn't see his eyes. "It doesn't matter which middle we eat from, as long as it's in the center."

"Why don't you know how to use your own mushroom, Milord?" asked Hikaru, poking Tamaki in the arm.

"Well... I..." Tamaki was at a loss for words.

"Does it really matter?" asked Hunny in his man voice. "I don't like being this big."

Haruhi pulled off six more peices of the mushroom, this time from the very center. Everyone ate except Tamaki, who was arguing that he was gorgeous as an adult and didn't want to change back.

So Haruhi shoved it down his throat.

The Host Club turned back to normal, and all was well.

Until I decided to mess with them again.


	13. Chapter 13

13) What if the Host Club Turned Into Fruit?

"Why am I a pineapple?" Pineapple-Tamaki asked.

"Woah! We're able to talk?" the Cherry-Twins asked in surprise. How could they talk if they were fruit?

"That's not possible." Strawberry-Haruhi said logically. Fruit couldn't talk. How did they even turn into fruit in the first place?

"Neither is turning into fruit." the Cherry-Twins pointed out. Strawberry-Haruhi didn't know how to reply to that.

The Fruit Host Club were sitting on a table in the club room. The reason they were able to talk was because they had faces of sorts. They had eyes and mouths, like the Annoying Orange.

"Oh no!" Banana-Hunny cried. "I'm the the tastiest, so I'll be eaten first." Tears streamed down his yellow face. How was it possible that a banana could cry?

"I wouldn't be so sure about that!" Pineapple-Tamaki said matter-of-factly. "Pineapples are far tastier than bananas!"

"Surely, we are the most delicious!" the Cherry-Twins proclaimed.

Watermelon-Mori was silent, although he figured that watermelons would be better than pineapples.

"Nevermind that..." Pineapple-Tamaki began, and rotated to face Strawberry-Haruhi. "She's so cute!"

All of the fruits crowded around Strawberry-Haruhi except Watermelon-Mori and Cucumber-Kyoya.

"Isn't a cucumber a vegetable?" asked Cucumber-Kyoya.

"It has seeds, doesn't it?" asked the Cherry-Twins.

"That's true, so you are indeed a fruit!" Pineapple-Tamaki exclaimed.

"Not necassarily..." Strawberry-Haruhi said to herself. "But I get why he's a cucumber."

"Oh?" asked Cucumber-Kyoya. "Why?"

"It's obvious, isn't it?" the Cherry-Twins asked.

The guests of the Host Club entered the room, looking for the members. When they saw only a table full of fruit, they walked up to it and shrugged.

"They must be taking a break today." they said, and all but one walked away. The one that didn't walk away picked up Banana-Hunny, who screamed. Not that she could hear it. She then left the room.

"Hunny! Noooooooo!" they all yelled, and again the only two that didn't yell were Watermelon-Mori and Cucumber-Kyoya. Watermelon-Mori wore an expression of shock.

"I told you I was the tastiest..." Banana-Hunny muttered as he was eaten.

_A/N: I hope you understand why I chose the fruits I did. And a cucumber probably isn't a fruit. _


	14. Chapter 14

14) What if the Host Club were Cats?

"I'm adorable, nya!" Tamaki-_neko_ said proudly. He had long, silky golden fur. He was admiring his fur by turning in circles, making himself looking idiotic in the process.

"Ha! You wish you were as cute as us." Hikaru-_neko_ and Kaoru-_neko_ boasted. They were identical, with short, orange fur and white fur around their noses.

"Actually, I think Hunny-_neko_ is the cutest." Haruhi-_neko_ pointed out. She had sleek brown fur, with nothing very special about her.

Hunny-_neko_ was happy to hear that. He was golden, like Tamaki-_neko_, but he was smaller, chubbier, and had bigger eyes.

Mori-_neko_ stood behind him. He had gray fur, and was by far the biggest cat there.

"Why do you three always end up competing?" Kyoya-_neko_ asked. He had black fur, of course. Despite being a cat, he was wearing glasses.

"Are those really necessary?" Haruhi-_neko_ asked.

"I don't see why I shouldn't wear them." Kyoya-_neko_ said.

"Hmm..." Hunny-_neko_ said thoughtfully. "Isn't this about the time in the chapter when we comment on how cute Haruhi-_neko_ is, nya?"

"That's right, nya!" Tamaki-_neko_ and the kitty twins said in unison. Well, meowed.

They all rubbed against Haruhi-_neko_ instead of hugging her. The kitty twins soon left and started playing with each other's tails.

"Hey, this is fun!" Kaoru-_neko_ said in surprise. "No wonder cats do this."

Hunny-_neko_ had began eating cake. "Hunny-_neko_, I don't think cats can eat cake!" Haruhi-_neko_ yelled.

"Hmm?" Hunny-_neko_ asked. "Are you sure? Did you Google it?"

"No..." Haruhi-_neko_ explained. "The author was too lazy to look it up..."

"Then it's fine if I eat cake!"

Mori-_neko_ agreed with Haruhi-_neko_, but he hadn't Googled it either. The kitty twins had gotten bored with each other's tails and had started to attack Tamaki-_neko_. Kyoya-_neko_ watched with little interest.

None of the cats did anything to save Tamaki-_neko_. He retreated into his corner and grew catnip.

All of the members of the Host Club were drawn to the catnip, and they stayed in the corner until the kitty curse wore off.

"Muhahahaha... I told you it would work, Beelzenef." Nekozawa said evilly. He took off down the hall, still laughing.

_A/N: I got this idea after watching Hetalia earlier. Nekotalia. I was too lazy to look up whether or not a cat can eat cake, but I still looked up the name of Nekozawa's puppet._

_That was a lot of squiggly red lines, even though nothing is spelled wrong._


	15. Chapter 15

15) What If Kyoya Cried When His Dad Slapped Him?

_Thwack!_ The sound echoed throughout the room. Kyoya's head snapped to the side, and his father's hand flew past it.

Everyone stared at Kyoya and his father. Kyoya's lip began to quiver as a red mark in the shape of a hand formed on his cheek. A single tear rolled down, and he burst into tears.

No one knew how to react. Kyoya was a cool guy, and they had expected him to take it like a man. Haruhi considered comforting him, something she might have done if he were Tamaki. But would that hurt his pride?

Not that he could hurt his pride anymore than he already had. Kyoya's father walked past him, no expression on his face. It was as if he had expected this to happen. Maybe that was the point.

Haruhi patted him on the shoulder. Tamaki was crying himself, God knows why. Hunny sat on Mori's shoulders, both of them standing there and doing nothing. If he had been Tamaki, the twins would have probably made fun of him.

Kyoya sniffled and wiped his eyes with his sleeve. His eyes were red and puffy, and his nose was swollen.

He immediatly became a cool guy again. Everyone pretended it didn't happen, even though tears were still streaming down Tamaki's face. Imagine how much Tamaki would have cried if he had been the one who had gotten slapped.

_A/N:By far the most serious, even though I hadn't planned on that._

_I am sorry to announce that the next chapter will be the last. I'm doing a request chapter, and will use any and all requests asked. I won't be able to write it until I can get enough._

_The requests can't be stories. They can be things like "Hunny in a bunny suit."_


	16. Chapter 16

16) Insanity

Mori ate cake at Hunny's usual cake table. He happily swung his legs beneath him, because he was now short, and had room to spare.

Hunny stood behind him, as tall as Mori used to be. He was silent. Haruhi stared at them in confusion.

Renge burst through the door. She was wearing the school uniform of the characters in Clannad. "I havn't appeared at all in this story!" she shouted. "So here I am!"

_Does that mean it's the last chapter? _Kasanoda thought from the other side of the room._ It's now or never..._

"Haruhi!" He called nervously.

"Yes?" she asked, moving to Kasanoda's side. He blushed, but moved in. When she was close enough, he gave her a surprise kiss and left, his face completely red.

"What was that?" Haruhi asked, oblivious as always.

"This costume is fluffy..." Hunny sighed happily. He was now wearing a fluffy bunny suit. The suit was white, the ears were long, and there was a bow around Hunny's neck.

"So is this one." Haruhi said. She was in a white lamb costume, and also had a bow around her neck.

"I could accomplish so much in this body." Kyoya said. He was in Tamaki's body, and Tamaki was in Kyoya's body.

Tamaki was eating Bugles, putting each one on his finger before he ate it. "Please stop salting my fingers." Kyoya said politely.

"He thinks you have to eat them that way." Kaoru sighed. He had recently learned that he was not, in fact, Hikaru, but Kaoru.

"Stupid Milord." Hikaru said.

Nekozawa ran through. He was being chased by Beelzenef, who was giant. Following them was a giant Bun-Bun and Beary.

"Assemble, Ouran Heroes!" Tamaki yelled. He had dressed as Captain America.

Kyoya was Batman, and Haruhi was Robin. The Twins dressed as Thor and Loki, and Mori was painted green, so he could be the Hulk. Hunny had gone with Superman.

With their newly obtained super-powers, they easily defeated the huge stuffed animals and puppet.

"Good job!" Renge cheered. she had stuffing in her hair, but so did everyone.

And so, the chapter that made no sense came to an end, and so did my story.

_A/N: I didn't get nearly enough requests, so I had to improvise with the help of my sister. I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading, I love you guys!_


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